Performance no.2- the novelty that is Claudia Roe slipping up (literally)

Tonight is cursed by tradition- a 4:30pm show is always rumoured to be the worst, but best is the only way for Enron and we weren't about to be stopped by superstition.

The big thing that I took forward from our last show was Ben's note which was I needed to be much, much louder. I was disappointed that I hadn't projected as well as I thought because if I'm not getting the words to every member of the audience, I can't tell them the story and thus am not doing my job. I think it will something I will be aware of tonight which will hopefully help me to push my projection even more so there is not a moment that the audience misses. Plus we were allowed to keep the tie improvisation from last week which felt good because it's little things like that that make you feel you've left your mark on the show.

The most memorable part of today's performance was when I slipped up- not on my lines, not on an entrance or exist, but quite literally slipped on some excess bubble liquid from the previous scene. This was, as you can imagine, a little embarrassing for me because as someone who has spent a lot of time working on a character that appears to know what she's doing, a women who walks with grace and elegance and holds herself with poise and style; to slip would to her be an outrage. I know in the grand scheme of things me slipping and not even falling is not that bad, but it's one of those things that you can't forget because it bugs you. I was able to disguise it somewhat because the next line is quite aggressive so when I slipped and stumbled causing me to be very heavy footed, I pretended she was stamping her foot and tried to cover it all up by presenting her as excessively exasperated. It isn't a catastrophic error but just something that impacted on my personal reflection of the show.

Also, Claudia's ride didn't turn up tonight- the table for the 1999 party scene had been put away behind the curtains and props had been put on top so I couldn't access it for the entrance. So Mani, Issac and I had to make an entrance from an old black and white movie- a lady with a gentleman on each arm; only difference is that Claudia is no lady and the Enron employee's were no gentlemen. When I walked in to set myself for my entrance and saw no table I panicked. This scene makes me nervous anyway because out of all of them I find this the most exposing and struggle with letting go. Therefore when something goes wrong it just agitates you even more. However walking on actually made me feel more confident; I felt felt rooted and strong and it led into the rest of the scene well. And we still kept the showgirl vibe because before Mani and Issac let me go I gave them both a kiss- Claudia sealing the deal that this entrance, this routine, this party was hers.

Last performance the split scene left me and Tatenda a little drowned out. In this scene Kai brings such a witty, entertaining humour that is enticing to any audience. So when Tat and I were having our scene, Kai's reaction to Skilling doing stretches downstairs was the more entertaining part. So what was happening on the balcony was being lost. Both Tat and I picked up on this and knew that this time around we needed to push the intensity of our scene because if it was never going to be as funny, it could be just as interesting this time around. I believe tonight that a mixture of an improved vocal awareness and a more detailed account of Claudia and Lay's relationship meant we were able to stand our ground in this scene alongside the boys. Putting two scenes paralleled with each other inspires a nature of competition onstage and the only way we could draw level with the scene below was to raise the stakes and amplify the intensity of the scene which I believe we achieved tonight and I felt the audience was engaged with our scene just as much as the scene on the ground.

Now we only have one show left and so there is no chance to write another evaluation saying 'next time I will'. Therefore I want to learn from these shows and every single rehearsal we've ever done; I know what needs to be done and a lot of problems have been solved during and outside of the theatre so now it is about trusting in the whole piece and knowing these problems can be solved as they arise and what is more important now is living, playing and enjoying this whole experience.

I'll remember that (and not just because he got CFO)

If someone came to watch our rehearsal, they would probably be concerned with the amount of time I just spend watching Kai work, but is genuinely because Kai has a gift in so much that 5 months of watching and reworking his scenes can occur and yet he still is just as entertaining. I believe he embodies everything we are all trying to get out of this play.

 

A note which I have heard throughout this process is that I need to play more and Kai is living proof of what that means. He understands every single side of what's he saying and brings it to life with such animation and maturity; going from a guy getting all happy about Jurassic Park to a man with an idea for a shadow business that became the beating heart of Enron's underhand business. This man is one of duplicity and variation and Kai has such control when performing every aspect of the character. 

 

There is something about him that you are naturally drawn to, but more than that Kai works for the audiences attention- he employs a range of facial expression, has a handle on comedic timing that textures the play beautifully and he interacts with this characters with such personal investment, even if is just for 2 seconds. I spend all of 5 minutes onstage with Kai and we say all of 5 words directly to each other, but in the moments that he catches my eyes the reaction's he has are so sharp, with him being aware of all the little subtexts which makes me truly believe that he thinks, lives and breathes as this man. Even in all the photos of the production, in each one there is not a moment where he isn't alive behind the eyes or he's dropped his physicality- his performance and choices have translated beyond the 3 sided theatre we performed in; it is clear from the feedback that Kai is someone who spoke to the audience on such a deep level causing them to invest in this man wholeheartedly.

 

When I go to the theatre I don't want to work at believing the characters, that is there job and with Kai he performs with such effortless depth and knowledge that speaks of an actor beyond his years. Even by just watching and observing I believe there is much I can learn from his performance.

Performance no.1- a guide to wiping away your problems with a tie

Today was what we'd all been waiting for- our opening night. The importance of this night could not be underestimated: it was our first time performing for an audience, if tonight went well it would effect our whole season and it was the time to prove to both Ben and ourselves that all our work over the past 5 months had payed off.

The feeling I had when I stepped out on to that stage was very odd- backstage I felt so scared, frightened at the prospect of taking all those fears and concerns from the whole process and showing them to an audience of strangers, family and friends. However when I walked out onto that stage it just felt right somehow. Seeing everyone doing the opening sequence, walking past, observing, living as this wondrous women, interacting with Lay and saying my first words to Skilling; an audience hadn't made us shrink into the background. I honestly believe that our confidence in the work we had produced shone thorough and we wanted to share it. We have been working on this for months so perhaps we've become used to the crazy world we've been inhabiting, but it is the kind of world and work that needs an audience to truly live and breath. Enron was an international affair and the play and so is the play just on a smaller scale. I felt the cast support me as soon as I entered and that continued throughout the whole performance.

And yet this performance wasn't plain sailing. By the second scene I was already posed with a problem. One of my favourite lines 'you got a Kleenex?' is usually met with Sam handing me a tissue and yet tonight due to the tissue not being in his pocket I was met with a 'no'. There was a moment in which I wanted to say 'yes you do, otherwise we're screwed' and yet something that perhaps proves Claudia has slowly effected my instincts is that instead of shrugging my shoulders and walking away, I retorted 'sorry loser' and proceeded to take Sam's tie and wipe my leg with that instead. One of the images I will take away from this performance is Sam's jaw dropping when I did this, as he was clearly disgusted with the women he saw in front of him which was such a wonderful fuel for the next scene. The gasps in the audience made me feel like a women who was so in control and dangerous which is how I have been trying to exist within this character for some time. It  was definitely my favourite moment from today's performance because when trying to keep playing in this piece, having this opportunity presented to me meant I opened my first night with a jaw-dropping bang.

There were aspects of today's show that didn't work, the main for me being the E Trader scene which I feel didn't translate to the audience at all. It felt to me like we were all grappling to make our individual elements work and yet forgot to observe what everyone else was doing onstage. I think that we were all out sync and it didn't bring the same vibe that all the other scenes did. I think the problem was that we knew it was a aesthetically pleasing and so relied on this rather than the technique in the piece. I think that this will be something we will need to work on before the next show because unlike all the other scenes, it didn't match the energy or slick execution.

The big thing that everyone knew was going on was some of the technical difficulties. Some weren't deliberate and was just bad luck like the gun and most of the time we couldn't really blame ourselves for technical difficulties but it was only after the show that I was informed that there was a mistake in which we all were accountable for.  A mic was left on backstage and because people were talking the sound was heard in the auditorium. This was gutting for us because in a show that relies on professionalism to reach it's full potential, such a stupid mistake makes the whole thing lose that element to it that makes it more than a bunch of students performing a script. It's horrible to think that a mistake like this may have cost us a great show.

Overall I was happy with everything that happened in today's performance. Although there a definitely things that need to be smoothed out, the reaction of our audience was exactly the one we aimed to get. I believe we did bring this world to life, but technicalities may have meant we slipped in and out so we need to address these and make sure they don't effect either of the next performances.

Cleaning up the mess

Our physical sequences are either what are going to make or break the show. And hopefully after cleaning some of them up a bit in rehearsal, they will be making it.

As the office sequence was something I helped create, today I was attempting to create a little bit of structure in the whole piece. Each person has a different focus in the piece so today I created motifs for the mobiles, the keyboards and the paper. Each sequence should fit the count of 4.


The mobiles

The mobile phone sequence I created was as follows:

• take 3 steps forward holding the phone to your ear.
• On the third step move your arm away from your body/head and use your fourth step to jump and meet it.
• Then once you've re-joined your phone turn your feet and head off in a new direction.

The keyboards

The keyboard sequence I created was as follows:

• Hold the keyboard plat across your arms.
• Hit the keyboard 3 times and on the fourth beat throw the keyboard and catch it on its side.
• Holding the keyboard vertically in your right hand with the keys facing away from you tap the keys 3 times again and on the fourth beat throw it so it lands facing outwards.
• Balanced across your arms with the keys facing away tap the keys 3 times and on the fourth beat throw the keyboard back into it's original position.

The paper


The paper sequence I created was as follows:

• Holding the paper in front of you take 2 steps forward.
• On the third beat stand still but step one leg out to the side to form a wide squat.
• On the fourth beat raise the paper above your head and leave it balancing on your back.
• Wait over the count of 4 and then begin the sequence again heading off in a new direction.

My aim with these sequences was to make short, simple, repeatable actions that create opportunities for the ensemble onstage: the extended arm somewhere to quickly duck under, a keyboard facing your direction to quickly tap something onto and a paper resting on someone's back for you to quickly read and sign. With the 4 beat pattern none of the pace is lost but hopefully if everyone can learn and commit to the moves it will tidy up much of the lose ends that make the scene lose the sharp, business edge that I think will make it spectacular. If everyone has a better understanding of what they are doing it will translate to the audience as a world of purpose and power where the employees played around with the creative boundaries of business.

Learning to walk and talk like Claudia Roe- the walk

My posture is not a trait that I believe will win any awards, so unfortunately for Claudia who does everything in life to win that had to change. After the tech Ben wanted to do some work with me on my posture because there is a clear difference between the way I hold myself and the way she does.

Let it be known that the route to good posture is not a pain free one; the exercises we did to- quite literally- push everything me about my posture out of my shoulders and back were a little strenuous. We first started with me in semi supine with someone applying weight through the palms of their hands down through my shoulders. Slowly over time more pressure was added with the aim of getting my shoulders to lie flat on the floor in smooth continuation with my back. Next was an exercise that was one of the strangest exercises I have ever performed in a rehearsal room. Staying laid down, someone positions their feet so as to sit in the right angle between your shoulder and your neck.  Then you raise your hands over your head so the person sat by your head can have a firm grip on your arms. It is important (and seemingly less painful) to release all tension in your arms and give the other person full control as it just makes the whole activity work better. Then the person sat by your head will begin to push down on one of your shoulder; almost pushing down through your shoulder whilst pulling the opposite arm towards them (left shoulder pushed, right arm pulled). They will continue this, switching which shoulders and arm is being pushed and pulled until the final step of pushing and pulling on both shoulders and arms simultaneously. I would recommend that through this exercise you maintain a steady breathing pattern; I tried to hold my breath to hide the part of me that felt my body was undergoing a medieval torture technique, but as Ben pointed out to me, I wasn't fooling anyone anyway so why not allow my body the one thing I was able to provide it with in that moment- plus it helped a lot when I allowed myself to breath through the pain. Then your partner relinquishes their control of your shoulders and arms and allows you to just lie there for a moment so your body can readjust to it's new found length. After slowly coming up to standing Sam and I performed one of our scenes and with Ben pulling my shoulders down and back occasionally we had a new woman in front of us and more importantly one who replicated Claudia more closely.

The purpose of these exercises are looking about opening, relaxing and lengthening my spine, dropping the shoulders and gaining a posture which oozes 100x more confidence, class and Claudia. Then we looked at how to move with this posture. I have a tendency to tilt my head down, whereas someone who wanted to walk into a room looking confident and self assured, both of which Claudia are, they would keep their head up at all times, not afraid of anyone's eye contact or anything they see because they are above most of it anyway- why would they be apprehensive? Then it was about leading with my chest. Walking around leading with your chest not only helps your shoulders to stay down but it helps keep your head up, so it was the glue holding the two together. Walking around like this at first  made me feel so stupid because it's so different and it felt a bit wanky if I'm honest because it's not me at all. It is something that makes me feel really uncomfortable because this posture is so open and you have no defence, but people like Claudia don't need them. That's an odd concept to grasp. yet as I continued to walk in this way, in fact it was only once I'd walked to the station trying to keep this new found posture that I genuinely felt like this had cracked part of her character for me. It's one of the final puzzle pieces and it has opened up new doors for me in my approach to the character. It has made me feel more confident and that's what matters because even if I'm not on the night if something makes me look like I am, that illusion is sometimes enough.

Tech Run

Today was a day we had been building to for a while- a run in costume, a run in the space, a run with our props- today was our tech run. It felt so cool to be in the space in costume with hair and make-up, in my heels, in my red dress; the cast were brimming with excitement and it felt really special.

I was able to see the set in the plot, but for some people this was the first time they'd seen the set in it's full glory and to see everyone's faces was something that filled me with such joy. I described it as being a 'kid in a candy store' and we had gone and described all we'd seen to the cast, but had no visual evidence to show them, so to see all those fantasies and expectations be realised and brought to life was beautiful. I felt a shift in the whole cast; a belief flooded through us all which had come from the set something that had boosted this world in the stratosphere. Our world had expanded and evolved to epic proportions. Plus this is the first time that I had seen the whole cast in there costume. We were able to see some costume in the costume parade, but to see the whole cast stood in the space suited and booted, looking like icons of 90s business was a surreal experience- we've painted this wondrous picture and now we have to get it to stand out in the gallery.

To tech a play is a long process, but it was really important to figure out all the things that needed to be done so we could make this whole piece as slick as possible because I believe that is what is standing between us being good and great. I think as a whole one of the main things I got from today was that this set has to feel like my home, my work place of 15 years; I know all corridors, floors, cupboards, basements- it is my dominion. Therefore when I'm working I need to make use of the set and not let it work against me, but lift me and guide my choices in the moment. I think today because things were changing and we were being interrupted and moved around it was difficult to focus on forming a relationship with the set and yet I believe that this is imperative to do before our performance next week. The scale of this is set is grander than grand so it is easy to get lost in it. If I want to stand my ground within it, I need to feel comfortable with my surroundings and understand my journey within it.

I loved being on the balcony in this run. In rehearsals we've all just been imagining the height of the platform and the difference it will make to our scenes, but actually being up there makes you feel like you are in a top floor office or on a rooftop with a view of the city and it makes my experience throughout the play take on another dimension. When I'm working with someone on a different level I can create strong choices about how to position myself in relation to them and how to use the height to assert power and dominance or contrasting that being lost and isolated. To have this key detail finally there to play around with and experience was really great.

The scene that didn't work today was the E Trader scene. In all honesty there wasn't any element of this scene that landed and we were all over the place. Such a strong run began to crumble because of this scene. We have spent so much time making sure we have built a world and characters that are self assured and confident and yet there was an atmosphere in the room that indicated to everyone onstage that we had no clue what we were doing. In some ways I'm glad the issue was raised in the tech in the hope that we can resolve it before the next show.

Some important things I am going to take from today's tech run are:

• I need to be very careful on the stairs. Because of the material they are constructed from my heel is thin enough to slip through the gaps which happened in the run today and it could both look bad and throw me off. I just need to remember to walk on my toes so I don't lose a shoe midway through the show. 
• I need to time my costume changes well and make sure everything is where I need it to be. However perhaps more importantly than this I need to help the other girls when I'm not needed onstage. For a large proportion of the second half I am offstage, but some of the other girls have some quick changes and if I can I need to be there to assist them in getting changed. 
• Make sure I know where all my props are and map out my journey with them in the play so nothing is left onstage when I need it for the next scene. 
• Volume- you always forget how much you need to project in a theatre, let alone when you have an audience on three sides so I need to make sure that intimate moments do not happen at the expense of my projection. 
• My posture needs to replicate that of confident 40 year old with status and power and maintained throughout.
• I need to find my light at all times. I need to have the awareness to understand where the light is and isn't hitting my face and move into it if need be. 

Kid in a candy store

Today we got to see our set for the first time in the plot. It was probably the closest I have felt to childish excitement for a long time. Seeing this world that we have spent so long creating come to life before my eyes was indescribable; in fact the only word I can use to describe it is magical. The floor is something else- not only does it light up it can fade, jump, flash- it is so very Enron. Seeing the balcony where I spend  a lot of time in this play, getting to look and see what Claudia will be seeing when we perform- it was awe inspiring. When you see your set and props and get to begin using them, you normally step out of fantasy into reality; with this it was in reverse. I had built a reality of what to expect, how it would feel, how to act and then I stepped into the theatre today and I knew that this was the mixture of the dreams of a madman and a magician. The detail of the whole thing is incredible- it makes our world take on so many new dimensions- it feels textured, it has depth, it feels real.

All of us were so giddy- running around like we were in a playground, climbing up the poles, running up the stairs, running across the deck- the whole thing had made us crazed. Everywhere we turned it was like we discovering things that we have been working on in rehearsal for months completely anew. However we obviously we there for a reason and had to work with the tech team helping them to plot all the lighting cues and changes. Seeing this stage be lit up- in so many different colours and styles- it reminded what I saw back in September that made me want to be in this show. The whole piece is coming together and now it is about us bringing a performance that will not be swallowed by this set, but meet it, match it, compliment it and play within it.  The set is there to help us and we can now use all of those things we dreamed we would have to our advantage.

The final preparations- my final blocks

Today we came back from our Christmas break and the final stage of our rehearsal process is underway. In two weeks time we will have performed our first show and will be on our way to the end of this whole crazy ride. Although that prospect is saddening right now I have to focus on how excited I am to share this work that I haven't shut up about for 5 months.

Today we worked on the 1999 NYE scene. We have decided to change my entrance because the logistics of the whole thing was ruining the effect. So now I am being wheeled in on one of the tables, which matches the lift in dramatic effect and just avoids the problem of gravity. We worked completely on that scene today just trying to inject as much precision and energy into the scene so it lives up to the expectation that many people in the audience will have for a scene that may be reliving one of the craziest parties they ever attended.

However today I had a real problem. I have been asked to do a lot of things that push me, but this was something that brought me the closest I have come to turning around and just telling Ben that I couldn't do it. Ben wanted my dance once I arrived in the space to be something bigger and better; the word that describes what I thought he was going for is showgirl. And I was to use Mani as a prop, my own personal pole to dance on. This was like my worst nightmare, like someone had taken everything that made me feel sick to my stomach with nerves and asked me to do it. In that moment when I was trying to improvise something that both matched Ben's expectations and worked within my limitations all I could see in my head was a 1950s Marilyn Monroe sequence from 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.'

 

In fact after I was dismissed I went home and watched it and here was my problem- to me, no costume, no accent, no music, no self belief could transform me into this sort of women onstage so to me doing this was just walking on stage and humiliating myself. Over and over again I have had to remind myself that I took this role too challenge myself and over the months the things I've learnt and the way I've developed has shocked me and yet this was the one thing I wasn't sure anyone could talk me into doing.

 

However I've had some time since the session to reflect on the way I feel. All of these feelings are because of me- this is not how I choose to act or present myself and it's not how I want to be judged. However if I walked on stage and people judged me in the same way people judged Claudia, it would be fundamentally wrong because you cannot judge or interpret any of actions to parallel one another. Therefore the audience have no choice but to invest in this character to bring this world to life. My job is to make that job as easy as possible. I do this because I love the transformation- if I wanted to play myself I would never have even read Enron. And yet here I am, two weeks away from our show. In this session I froze, went inside myself and worked within my limitations, but the fundamental difference of me pulling this all off is me constantly working against my fears. I won't be able to stop pushing from the first to last moment and that work is scary but it will create that buzz, that energy which has made me fall in love with this show. I do this this because I like being other people for a time, I like getting in their minds and bodies, I like being effected and affecting others with my character and Claudia offers me all of that- I've now just have to accept the offer she is making.

9/11

In Enron the downfall of the company is marked alongside the events of September 11th 2001. To understand the significance of this reference and to be able to do justice to a scene that I believe is particularly emotive, we need to research what happened that day and understand the scale of the topic we are dealing with. 

The World Trade Centre was home to 430 companies with an average of 50,000 employees working each day and 140,000 visitors. The morning of 9/11 at 8:45am, the first of 4 plane crashes that day occurred as a plane hit the north tower of the World Trade Centre. 18 minutes later a second plane hit the south tower. Including those on board the planes 2.823 people were killed at the Twin Towers attack. At 9:45am another plane was flown into the west side of the Pentagon. Including those on board the plane 189 people were killed. Due to the 2300 degrees fahrenheit temperatures from the fires caused by the attack on the Twin Towers the south tower collapsed. Soon after the second tower also collapsed leaving only 6 survivors. After that 0 survivors were recovered from the site of the destroyed World Trade Centre named Ground Zero. Another plane crash occurred at 10:10am when a plane crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. The passengers on board the plane fought the four hijackers, flipped the plane over, crashing it into the field. It was rumoured that the plane may have been heading to the White House or another densely populated location. All 45 people on board died but their efforts may have saved the lives of hundreds of others. 

The New York Stock Exchange shut down until September 17th, the longest period of time since 1933 amidst the crisis of the great depression. The markets knew that there would be panic selling so wanted to force people to wait until everything had calmed down and the immediate shock waves had passed. On the first day of trading the market fell 684 points the biggest loss for a singular trading day in exchange history. Over that initial week of trading after the attacks an estimated $1.4 trillion of value was lost. Airline stock shares plummeted with American Airlines dropping from $29.70 per share pre 9/11 to a $18.00 price after with United Airlines facing an even more serious drop from $30.82 to $17.50.

What does this mean in terms of Enron? The markets were in chaos and if there was something Enron needed at that moment in time it was stability- they didn't need people getting scared- and 9/11 did just that. 9/11 isn't necessarily directly linked with the reasons Enron collapsed but it was a catalyst in the beginning of the end for the company.  We have seen the footage and the pictures, read the facts, listened to the accounts and now it is our responsibility to make the piece we include in the play sensitive, truthful and meaningful. We have here two events that shook the world for two very different reasons but based upon similar circumstances; that something that was once a beacon of hope and stability was destroyed before our very eyes. People were lost and frightened as their core values were shifted. That imagery of loss and large scale destruction is something we aim to bring. Two pillars of the American economy gone within 3 months of each other. As a company we need to translate to our audience how catastrophic this really was.