The feeling I had when I stepped out on to that stage was very odd- backstage I felt so scared, frightened at the prospect of taking all those fears and concerns from the whole process and showing them to an audience of strangers, family and friends. However when I walked out onto that stage it just felt right somehow. Seeing everyone doing the opening sequence, walking past, observing, living as this wondrous women, interacting with Lay and saying my first words to Skilling; an audience hadn't made us shrink into the background. I honestly believe that our confidence in the work we had produced shone thorough and we wanted to share it. We have been working on this for months so perhaps we've become used to the crazy world we've been inhabiting, but it is the kind of world and work that needs an audience to truly live and breath. Enron was an international affair and the play and so is the play just on a smaller scale. I felt the cast support me as soon as I entered and that continued throughout the whole performance.
And yet this performance wasn't plain sailing. By the second scene I was already posed with a problem. One of my favourite lines 'you got a Kleenex?' is usually met with Sam handing me a tissue and yet tonight due to the tissue not being in his pocket I was met with a 'no'. There was a moment in which I wanted to say 'yes you do, otherwise we're screwed' and yet something that perhaps proves Claudia has slowly effected my instincts is that instead of shrugging my shoulders and walking away, I retorted 'sorry loser' and proceeded to take Sam's tie and wipe my leg with that instead. One of the images I will take away from this performance is Sam's jaw dropping when I did this, as he was clearly disgusted with the women he saw in front of him which was such a wonderful fuel for the next scene. The gasps in the audience made me feel like a women who was so in control and dangerous which is how I have been trying to exist within this character for some time. It was definitely my favourite moment from today's performance because when trying to keep playing in this piece, having this opportunity presented to me meant I opened my first night with a jaw-dropping bang.
There were aspects of today's show that didn't work, the main for me being the E Trader scene which I feel didn't translate to the audience at all. It felt to me like we were all grappling to make our individual elements work and yet forgot to observe what everyone else was doing onstage. I think that we were all out sync and it didn't bring the same vibe that all the other scenes did. I think the problem was that we knew it was a aesthetically pleasing and so relied on this rather than the technique in the piece. I think that this will be something we will need to work on before the next show because unlike all the other scenes, it didn't match the energy or slick execution.
The big thing that everyone knew was going on was some of the technical difficulties. Some weren't deliberate and was just bad luck like the gun and most of the time we couldn't really blame ourselves for technical difficulties but it was only after the show that I was informed that there was a mistake in which we all were accountable for. A mic was left on backstage and because people were talking the sound was heard in the auditorium. This was gutting for us because in a show that relies on professionalism to reach it's full potential, such a stupid mistake makes the whole thing lose that element to it that makes it more than a bunch of students performing a script. It's horrible to think that a mistake like this may have cost us a great show.
Overall I was happy with everything that happened in today's performance. Although there a definitely things that need to be smoothed out, the reaction of our audience was exactly the one we aimed to get. I believe we did bring this world to life, but technicalities may have meant we slipped in and out so we need to address these and make sure they don't effect either of the next performances.
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